For the first time since the Fab Four pranced their way through the inane non-plot of Richard Lester‘s Help! in 1965, a Beatles-themed movie will feature music by the actual Beatles and not cover songs (Across the Universe) or the Motown covers the boys themselves rocked during their pre-fame Hamburg days (Backbeat). Stage producer Vivek Tiwary (The Addams Family, American Idiot) has “ironclad rights” to a load of classic tunes for a biopic of the band’s late manager Brian Epstein, whom Paul McCartney called the “fifth Beatle” [THR]. (To be fair, the early-days-of-John Lennon bio Nowhere Boy had the Lennon-McCartney song ‘Hello Little Girl,’ but it doesn’t count because I’ll bet you don’t know how it goes. I don’t either.)
Tiwary has the rights to the following classics, with the odd option to “swap out” later for other songs “if we decide to change the list:” ‘All You Need Is Love,’ ‘You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away,’ ‘A Day in the Life,’ ‘Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band,’ ‘Yesterday,’ ‘Eleanor Rigby,’ ‘Help!’ ‘You Never Give Me Your Money,’ ‘Girl,’ ‘A Hard Day’s Night,’ ‘Strawberry Fields Forever’ and ‘Come Together.’
Apparently taking a backseat to the news that we’ll get to hear some of these songs in a movie theater is the fact that this biopic will examine the Beatles from the perspective of Epstein, a depressive, closeted homosexual in a time when homosexuality was illegal in the U.K. He struggled with these problems while steadily guiding the Beatles to fame and fortune. The surviving band members and the estates of the departed Beatles have not endorsed the film, but an unnamed source reports that their reps have signed off on the script and approved the use of the songs. So are Paul and Ringo okay with the project? It’s hard to tell, especially give this terse statement from Apple Corps CEO Jeff Jones:
“Apple Corps has no comment on the film other than to say that the film will not include any of the original Beatles master recordings.”
Wait, what? So these are the original Beatles songs but not the master recordings? Are they ripping them from iTunes or something? This remains unclear.
While Tiwary theorizes that “It’s definitely possible that ‘You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away’ is about Brian,” while expert Tim Riley notes that this has been “long speculated, but nothing Lennon ever said nails it down.” Either way, Epstein’s brilliance as a manager and his cohesive presence during the band’s stormier years (the band wasn’t able to hold it together for long after he died of a sedative overdose just a month after Britain made it officially legal to be gay) is overdue for a serious film treatment…
…Which this wretched excerpt from the supposed script definitely axes:
JOHN Did you think he was attractive, then?
BRIAN Who?
JOHN The matador. That’s why you like bullfighting.
BRIAN I like bullfighting because it’s a beautiful, aggressive sport. At his final moment of triumph, the matador becomes death — he kills the killing machine. But not before he gives the bull its glory; shows the world its beauty, its power, its majesty. He also gives the aficionados something to believe in, something to admire, and ultimately something to hate. So in the end, he gives people hope.
[Brian turns to face the sea before continuing wistfully.]
BRIAN (cont’d) He uplifts the arena, the city, the nation. Very beautiful… So yes, I suppose I do find him attractive, but not in the way you might think.
[A moment, and then John points offscreen.]
JOHN What about him, then?
BRIAN No. Too… clumsy.
JOHN What’s that got to do with his looks?
BRIAN Everything!
JOHN Hmmh. Well, him then.
[John points at another.]
BRIAN Yes, him, very. Classic features. Elegant face.
JOHN And him? John points at another.
BRIAN Not so much.
JOHN You’re mad. He’s got all the birds!
BRIAN Women aren’t naturally the best arbiters of taste. He’s quite ordinary.
JOHN And that one?
[John points at another.]
BRIAN No.
JOHN Well we agree after all.
[John turns to face Brian.]
JOHN (CONT’D) And how about me? Do you find me attractive?
[In a rare moment of weakness, Brian turns to face John.]
BRIAN Yes.[John looks deeply into Brian’s eyes and holds his stare for an uncomfortable amount of time.]
JOHN Well.
[John turns back to face the ocean.]
JOHN (cont’d) It’s too bad I’m not queer.
FADE TO BLACK
If this is what the script is really like, it’s no wonder directors like Cameron Crowe and Gus Van Sant have already passed on the project. It seems to handle Epstein’s repressed longing with all the grace and subtlety of a Star Trek episode.
Even more horrifying are Tiwary’s plans to turn the fifth Beatle’s story into a stage musical and a graphic novel from Dark Horse Entertainment. With a reported budget commitment of $25 million from Nashville-based DIMI Entertainment, Tiwary wants the production to get going within a year.
Would you like to see this movie happen? Or would you like John Lennon to rise from the grave and eat Vivek Tiwary’s brain?